Weeding and Work

I lived with a cement yard, cement walls, metal gates and barbed wire for nearly a decade.  Of course there are positives: no mowing, the kids can ride bikes and draw chalk, and we are gated in for safety.

Now, however, I am blessed with a huge green yard with wonderful plants and beautiful flowers.  It is so refreshing not to look up at the sky through barbed wire, and not to feel closed in and trapped with cement walls.

I even enjoy weeding the dandelions that pop their yellow heads up.  It is therapeutic for me to work my hands in the soil and to be in God's peaceful creation.

One problem with my love for weeding is when I drive by other people's yards with TONS of dandelions!  I get almost a compulsive urge to jump out of the car and start weeding all that I see, until I realize that I still have not finished my own yard!

Last week at church, Chris H preached a sermon on Titus 2.9-10 regarding work.  

Work:  Mundane, average, boring work.

I applied his sermon to my role in the home and in mothering, though we all have various areas of work  we are responsible for.

I sometimes struggle with that feeling of insignificance and boredom, thinking that nurturing small kids is mundane and unnoticed work.  I also struggle with comparing myself to other women, especially now that I am in the USA.  

When I lived overseas, I never had the option of earning money outside the home or pursuing a career in something that I could gain a name for myself.  But now I definitely feel the strong pull, both from the culture and from within myself, to try to find my worth and significance in something outside the home.  This is the first time I can decide, "Maybe I should get a job that pays," or "Maybe I could do something else that I like more than wiping oatmeal and syrup off the table…" or "Maybe I should be doing something more meaningful like writing books!"

None of those things are bad (working outside the home, getting paid, or writing books).  

But what IS bad is if I am trying to find my identity and significance in what I do, rather than in WHO I am and WHOSE I am.

Identity first: 

"So God created man in his own image,

In the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them…"

Genesis 1.27

Work follows:

"The Lord God took the man

and put him in the

Garden of Eden

to work it, and take care of it…"

Genesis 2.15

Preacher Chris H. asked: "Is my motivation for work to find my identity?"

Tough question!  Scary to consider honestly.  

I remembered the dandelions.  

When I see other people's yards full of weeds and wish to pull them out myself, it is the same as when I compare myself to other people's assignments.  If I want their job, or their kids, or their life, or their career…then I am not content with the assignment God gave me.  

I am reminded that God gave me my own little piece of the earth to cultivate and make flourish: not just my yard, but these 4 kids and this particular husband.  This is my assignment from Him, not something else.

I want to find motivation to work faithfully as a wife and a mother from my identity as a worshiper….so that my work is my worship offering to the Lord.

The Gospel frees me to bring glory to God in my work, and not to compare myself to others.  

The Gospel frees me to find my identity in Christ as a daughter and an heir of the promises, not in what I do (or don't do).

The Gospel frees me to cultivate the plot of garden God has given me, including our home and our children, for flourishing, not frustration.  

"Let us not become weary in doing good,

for at the proper time

we will reap a harvest

if we do not give up."

Galatians 6.9

2 Messengers: A Snake and A Cardinal

We had another conflict.  Some sinful patterns of the past were creeping back in to our Sunday morning routine.

I decided to drive to church alone with the kids.

A providential "prophet" slithered past Nate's gaze as he put his shoes on downstairs.  How could the timing of this snake be so precise?  Just when sin was creeping around, so was this messenger.

The irony was not missed by Nate.  He hastened to shut the door to the laundry room and block the crack, so the snake wouldn't escape during church.  Similarly, our conflict was put on hold and shut into a vault as a holding pattern during church.

"Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion [or a slithering snake] looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith."  1 Peter 5.8-9a

It was hard for me to sing.  I sat alone in the back corner of the service, pouring my prayers and heart out to God.  How would we get through this day?

The sermon was on Titus 2.3-5, which I had recently memorized.

"…younger women…love [your] husbands and children…"

Just when I was wanting to fly away from my nest…
Just when I was struggling so much to care for my children, when I needed someone to care for me…
Just when I was fighting against not wanting to love my husband…

Pastor Bob set me free when he reminded me of my identity in Christ:

"Before you're a woman, you're a worshiper."

"Husbands and children: the raw material for discipleship."

These marital conflicts are opportunities to see God's grace at work, to be refined in faith, and to worship Him more deeply.

Our church community walked with us through that struggle.  A pastor, an accountability partner, a friend….they met us there in the halls of grace.

Hours later, Nate went home on a mission…determined to hunt and kill that snake...

"that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray." Revelation 12.9

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God….Put to death therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature…" Colossians 3.3 & 5

Amazingly, that same afternoon I lifted the curtain to my bedroom window and discovered a female northern cardinal had built her nest in the branches of the shrub!

Was that just a coincidence?!  Certainly it was another messenger sent to teach me something beautiful.

A loving mama bird, huddled down in her nest, covering her baby eggs...content and singing.

"How often does that mama leave her nest?"  I wondered.  "What makes her sing?"

I knew God was reminding me that He called me to this family, to this nest, and to loving my husband and children.  He had made me first a worshiper of Jesus, and in that identity I can sing his grace.

"Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you…

sing…

with gratitude in your hearts to God."

Colossians 3.13 & 16

The red cardinal, my mate Nate, flew to me, and together we sang God's praise.

*This post was published with Nate's approval & permission =)

A Tulip In Bloom

I was a tropical flower, cut down and wilted.

I was shipped to a new country, where I could not be transplanted.  This tropical flower would bloom no more.

"BUT because of his great love for us,
GOD, who is rich in mercy, made us alive…"
Ephesians 2.4

Summer of 2014, I was a lone foreign flower in a sun-scorched land.  I felt like I would never find roots, never bloom again.

"The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail."
Isaiah 58.11

God's Word was the rain, and I was a new bud.

"As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish…
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire."
Isaiah 55.10-11

The Gardener tilled the soil of my heart, and planted something new within.

Seasons changed.  Summer.  Autumn.  Winter.

Then, suddenly something green began to emerge from the bare brown ground.

Evidence of Grace.  Life Renewed.

A tulip bright and colorful bloomed, bringing hope.  A testimony of faithfulness, of healing.

"But blessed is the man who trusts
in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream."

Jeremiah 17.7-8

Prayer of my heart:

Faithful Gardener,
I give you thanks that "a bruised reed you will not break" (Is. 42.3).
Thank you for life and hope, despite darkness and winter.
Thank you for healing and renewal, in spite of brokenness and hurt.
Thank you for strength and faith, in the midst of pain and trials.
Thank you for your Word, which watered my soul.
Make me a well-watered garden that bears much beauty for your glory.

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener….
every branch that does bear fruit, 
he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15.1-2

Post-script:

I blogged for nearly a decade, from 10.02.04 to 05.13.14, at Beautiful Becker Feet.  That blog remains as a history book for reference and reflection.

A college professor once said to me: "When you are in the middle of something, be slow to put out words during that time."  I took his advice, and refrained from blogging lest I hurt or harm others in my pain.

My passion for writing had begun to burn inside me again, but I had been waiting until I had it "together" to begin blogging again.

Then one day my counselor said to me:
"Let them see your cracks, so God's glory will shine brighter."

I am still not all sorted and together.  I am still on the journey.  But perhaps at this point I can invite you in to what I am learning.  Maybe someday I will go back to retell what God did during those 11 silent months on the blog.

But for now, I offer you my cracks, and a chance to bend down and smell…
A Tulip in Bloom!

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."  2 Cor. 4.7