“Mom, can I buy this car?” My 7-year-old son held up the ipad to show me the fastest, most expensive race car on his virtual racing game.
“Elijah, you have to win that car; I don’t want to use real money to buy virtual cars. They don’t even exist!” He went away sad, and kept coming back to ask, even offering to use his birthday money to pay for it.
It boggles my mind to think of wasting real money on virtual cars! What true pleasure is there in having the fastest and best of something so nonexistent?!
Yet, the heart of my son should not confound me, since it is the same as my own: the heart of pride.
In my last blog post, I gave myself a reading assignment: "The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness" by Timothy Keller. Today, I finished the brief three-chapter booklet and was profoundly impacted. Please add this to your reading list as well!
Using 1 Corinthians 4, Keller digs into the problem we all have: the overinflated, swollen human ego.
“Then you will not take pride in one man over against another. For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?”
1 Corinthians 4.6b-7
One aspect of the human ego that stood out to me was that,
“it is incredibly busy--in other words, it is always drawing attention to itself. It is incredibly busy trying to fill the emptiness...doing two things in particular--comparing and boasting.” (Loc 149).
That is so true, isn’t it? How often I pass by a person in the store or on the bike trail and immediately, without even thinking, make a quick judgment by comparing myself to that person. “Am I better? thinner? more good-looking? better-dressed? less stressed? easier to like?”
And that only takes a second. Think of all the other time wasted by comparing ourselves to people in social media or even in church! The time I don’t spend internally comparing myself, can be wasted in externals as well by trying to compete to make myself better in any area that I judge myself less acceptable.
This should boggle my mind! Yet, I should not be surprised either, knowing the condition of the human heart as taught in Scripture.
“The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
‘I the Lord search the heart
and examine the mind…' ”
Jeremiah 17.9-10a
Keller quotes C.S. Lewis “In his famous chapter on pride....
It is competitiveness that is at the very heart of pride.
When I read this, that image of my son wanting virtual race cars popped into my memory. It is such a picture of the human heart. My son was not content with the basic race car, though it was fast. He could not take pleasure in virtual racing just for the fun of it, but only unless he could have the fastest and the best.
A few weeks ago, Elijah competed in his last track and field meet. During the previous meet he proudly won two 1st place ribbons. Of course it is fun to win, but we all know the saying, “Winning isn’t everything.” We may tell our kids that, but do we tell ourselves that?
When Elijah got a 2nd place and a 3rd place ribbon in the last meet, he came unglued. He moaned in a crumpled mess on the black track completely oblivious of the fact that some kids got 4th and 5th place ribbons! Nope, all that mattered was that he was not first.
This perfectly portrays Keller’s point that “the ego is fragile. That is because anything that is overinflated is in imminent danger of being deflated--like an overinflated balloon” (Loc 178).
Was Elijah trying to prove that he was someone (guys: think Rocky... “Go the distance”)? Even though he already won two 1st place ribbons, they were not good enough, because every day the race to prove we are best starts over again.
How can we find freedom from this prison of pride?
One man named Paul has found the secret:
“I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court;
indeed, I do not even judge myself.
My conscience is clear,
but that does not make me innocent.
It is the Lord who judges me.”
1 Corinthians 4.3-4
Keller unpacks this profound passage:
“When he says that he does not let the Corinthians judge him nor will he judge himself, he is saying that he knows about his sins but he does not connect them to himself and his identity.... He refuses to play that game. He does not see a sin and let it destroy his sense of identity. He will not make a connection. Neither does he see an accomplishment and congratulate himself....We could not be more different from Paul” (Loc 259).
I love this vision of freedom! Paul knows he is the “chief of sinners”, and yet he knows he is not condemned, nor does he give himself any credit. He doesn’t look to others for approval, and he doesn’t even set his own standards by which to judge himself. Instead, he looks to the One, who is the True Judge: the Lord Jesus.
How is Elijah going to learn how not to come totally unraveled at getting 2nd place? How am I going to teach him not to find his identity in his performance but to find freedom from congratulating himself for being the fastest? Am I going to say, “Virtual cars are silly!” or will I seize the opportunity to plant Gospel seeds in his soul?
I use the illustration of Elijah because it is so much easier for me to identify sin in my offspring than in myself! Yet when I observe these dynamics at play in a child, my own sin makes more sense. I need to preach this to myself and to my son:
“For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved,
but the one whom the Lord commends.”
2 Corinthians 10.18
It is worth quoting Keller again, because this picture of the courtroom struck me so profoundly. I hope it does the same for you, and even motivates you to read his whole booklet.
“What we are all looking for is an ultimate verdict that we are important and valuable.
We look for that ultimate verdict everyday in all the situations and people around us. And that means that every single day, we are on trial.
Everyday, we put ourselves back in a courtroom....
Some days we feel we are winning the trial and other days we feel we are losing it. But Paul says that he has found the secret. The trial is over for him. He is out of the courtroom. It is gone. It is over.
Because the ultimate verdict is in.
He knows that they cannot justify him.
He knows that he cannot justify himself....
He says that it is the Lord who judges.
It is only His opinion that counts.
....
[In other religions] performance leads to the verdict. Everyday you are on trial.
But Paul is saying that in Christianity the verdict leads to performance....
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| (Photo credit: oldbaileyonline.org) |
Paul is out of the courtroom and out of the trial. Because Jesus went on trial instead. Jesus went into the courtroom.
“Self-forgetfulness takes you out of the courtroom.
The trial is over.
The verdict is in” (Loc 319).
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus....”
Romans 8.1
If I have a reader who has not looked to Christ Jesus in faith, I invite you to consider letting Him go into the courtroom on your behalf so you don’t have to endure the prison of pride or the duty of defending yourself every day.
If you are like me, already in Christ, but you still struggle with self-forgetfulness, I invite you to pray with me:
Jesus,
Teach me to preach the Gospel to myself every day and in on the spot moments. When I am tempted to defend myself or compare myself to others for a verdict or to judge myself by my own standards, please remind me that You are the Judge. Holy Spirit, I give you permission to ask me: “What are you doing in the courtroom, Jessica? You should not be in here! Court is adjourned!” Thank you, Jesus, that you have gone into the courtroom on my behalf for defense of my sin and so that I can be free from condemnation and self-congratulation. Help me think of myself less and exalt you more, Jesus!
