I sang, "You have exalted above all things your Name and your Word!"
As I sang, I felt a tinge of grief at remembering....
I remember leading worship for women at missionary retreats. I was the only musician available, and I was happy to be the one.
Nate and I did all the music for the school and the mission at one point. We were teaching together and singing, leading together. I loved my worship leading high school class, and I loved singing with my students and watching them grow and praise God together. (I am blessed this week in finding out one of them is now a worship leader at a church!). I loved teaching my students to lead other students in worship during chapel--so rewarding and fulfilling!
And now. I sing. I worship. Just me.
No one at church even knows I am a worship leader. No one is asking me to use these gifts of music.
It is hard to be now in a place with tons of gifted musicians who record CDs, when I was not long ago in a place where I was one of the only musicians, and I was writing songs in a language with few worship songs.
But as I sang today, I am reminded of my identity in Christ.
Not as a worship leader or musician.
Not as a missionary or a teacher.
But--
Forgiven.
Dearly Loved.
In Christ.
Chosen. Redeemed.
And this is why I still sing.
It doesn't matter who I am leading in worship, but whom it is that I worship.
I worship Jesus. And so I will yet praise Him.
"These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
How I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God...
Why are you downcast o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42
