Will You Let Me In?

I’ve been really challenged deep down, since my last post.  It is risky putting myself out there, sharing my struggle to find friends for my kids (and for myself).  But this post may be even more risky.

Previously, I wrote wrestling over the grief I have in losing a great community of friends in the Philippines.  I compared and contrasted the cultural differences, yet I think I missed something.

It came to my attention that one reason people seem closed and isolated is because of self-protection and fear.  Fear that other types of kids will “contaminate” their kids, or protection because truly other kids may hurt their kids.  I have guessed that perhaps some people, well-intended and good-hearted, just do not want their kids to be friends with mine.

 I know the same thing happened in the Philippines, people who isolated their kids from mine and people I isolated my kids from. 
As I reflected on this, I was struck with sadness to wonder: “How often did other people in the Philippines feel about me the way I sometimes feel in America?”

Was I just so happy with my own friends and my community, that I did not realize that I was doing the same thing to others unaware? 

Today in church, Pastor Bob preached such a gentle yet piercing message, that awakened my heart to this probing question. 

He narrated the diversity of the people in Acts 16, whom the Gospel reached by grace:
--Lydia, a rich God-fearing business woman
--slave-girl--demon possessed and not seeking God
--middle of the road average working man, the jailer

Pastor Bob summarized their stories: “The Gospel connects and unifies different kinds of people that society keeps apart.”

Do I think: “They’re too rich and snobby...” and judge?
Do I think: “They’re too ungodly and worldly...” and distance myself?
Do I think: “They’re too...” and critique?

Pastor Bob says, “The Gospel’s going to come into my life and up-end things and disrupt things.
For the humble, that is a welcome change.
For the proud...it is a threat.”

I ask myself: Is the Gospel disrupting my safe-haven home?  Am I humble or proud?

“Have I isolated myself in my home as a safe fortress and refuge, shielding myself and kids from the world?” Pastor Bob asks.

I wonder in response, to what extent is this okay for me to do since I have little kids to protect and nurture?  AND in contrast, to what extent should there be a better balance where I instead make excuses for not taking risks for the Gospel?  Am I keeping away from or moving toward people different from me?  Including their kids?

As he preached, I started thinking of the question I asked of other moms in the end of my last post:  “How can I find my way into your life?  Will you let me knock?....Can we be friends?”

Suddenly it was not my voice that I heard in writing--I imagined another woman asking me the same question!

My question turned on me!!  Ah!  Scary!!

Pastor Bob challenged us to reflect:  “Who in our life do we distance ourselves from?  Who is my home closed to?  Am I moving toward people different from me because of the Gospel?”

I see why many American families seem to me to be closed.  Because I am different from them in some way, and my kids are different.  And of course, relationships do take time, and there may be other reasons for distance such as busy schedules, sickness, and minimum capacity or energy during difficult seasons.

But!

There is grace!

Grace in the Gospel can move me toward others in love.

Maybe the people I wish were my friends won’t open their door to me or my kids.  But in the Gospel my kids and I are welcomed into God’s family, and we are accepted and loved because of Jesus.  By God’s grace, maybe He will make me into the kind of person who will open my door to people and kids that are not my choice, but ones Jesus loves and wants to welcome into His family through me.  I know sometimes I don't even have the capacity to love my own kids, so how can I love even more people?  But He is giving me more grace and growing me in His love slowly (hinay-hinay as we used to say).

I know the feeling of wanting someone to open to me, so Lord, give me more grace to be open to others.  I know that God has received me, so Lord, give me more grace to welcome others that are unlike myself.  I know many times I have isolated or distanced myself from others to protect myself or my kids from hurt or out of selfishness, and so if you have done that to me, I forgive you and I understand; please forgive me if I have done that to you.  And to those who have drawn near to us in love and friendship, thank you!  You are the fragrance of Jesus to us!  Jesus, we ask for more grace to connect us and unify us and help us to move toward different kinds of people in need of the Gospel.  And thank you for being the best Friend we could ever imagine!

“But he gives us more grace. 
That is why Scripture says:
‘God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.’”
James 4.6