Greater Worth Than Gold

“Hey, Kids!  We are going to see real gold!  They will even let us lift a 27 pound bar of pure gold!”
  
My four young children were as excited as I was to visit the Money Museum in Kansas City.  In all my years, I had not seen a bar of pure  gold, nor had I ever visited a Federal Reserve Bank. 
  
When I was a young girl I collected coins, and as I traveled around the world I also added foreign coins to my collection.  My kids love to look through my coin treasure box and to ask, “How much is this one worth?”  They love to learn about exchange rates, especially since I had given them their own Pesos from our years living in the Philippines. 
  
After all the anticipation, we finally passed security at the Money Museum.  The older boys were captivated by the display of the history coins lining the walls.  The younger two preferred to stick their heads in the large $100,000 bill and to design their own money on the touch screens for kids. 
  

Kids discover 40 million dollars!

We were amazed to actually get our hands on $40,000,000---real dollars!  Through secure glass, we watched the employees handling thousands of dollars and processing money through machines.  After watching robot carts transfer crates of thousands into vaults, my kids started looking for more.
  
“Where’s the gold?!” No, 40 million dollars was not enough for my curious kids.  They wanted to see and lift the most valuable form of money--pure gold.
  
We were a little disappointed that we couldn’t actually hold the gold in our bare hands! But being valued at $516,997, we could only look at it through the protected case.  We did get to take turns feeling the weight of the 27 pound gold bar by pulling down the lever on the side of the treasure box.  “Worth its weight in gold!” they say.  Now I know what they mean!
  
As I put my kids to bed, we chatted again about the gold.  I said, “You know, the Bible says God’s Word is more precious than gold...than much pure gold!  That means, even if you died and were buried in tons of gold bars, none of them could save you from sin.  But the Bible is worth more than gold because it holds the promises that lead you to Jesus, and only He can save our souls from death!  Do you believe that?”  My son nodded, yes.  We chatted about faith to see true riches, which are future, even though we had seen millions in the present.
  
I tucked the kids into bed and went to my room to open my own Bible.

“Hey,” I thought, “I should put that on Instagram!”

"Your Word is more precious than gold" Psalm 19

I got out my precious Bible and opened to that same passage in Psalm 19.  I started clicking on my phone and opening my layout app, then scrolling through my vacation pictures.  I got my post all ready and added the spiritual caption: “Your Word is more precious to me than gold, than much pure gold.” 
  
I clicked on my news feed to admire my post.  Yes, I liked the result.
  
I started scrolling.
  
“Hmmm....I wonder if I should check Facebook,” I thought, after flipping through Instagram.  I clicked on the Facebook app and started checking my notifications and responding to comments. 
  
I continued scrolling.
  
My attention was captured.  My mind was distracted.  I was getting hooked on finding more posts, more things to “like”, and more random articles to skim.
  
And then.
 
I was struck.  Suddenly I looked beyond the phone in my hand and saw the silent Bible laying open on my lap.
  
“More precious than gold, eh?  How about more precious than my iphone?” 
  

"More precious than gold, eh?"

Ohhh!  How could I say I was too tired to stay awake to read more of the Bible, yet I could waste an hour of mindless social media scrolling?!
  
Lord!  Why did I get so engaged in my iphone while Your Word sat silent?  Is Your Word more to be desired to me than my phone? 

“Open my eyes that I may see
wonderful things in your law.”
Psalm 119.18
  
Lord, make your Word and Your promises more desirable to me than anything else!  Let me become engaged in your Word and stimulate me not just intellectually but stir me spiritually and warm me emotionally.  Uncover for me treasure in your Word worth more than gold.  Help me to see the value of it and to treasure You more when I meet you there.

“I have strayed like a lost sheep.
Seek your servant,
for I have not forgotten your commands.”
Psalm 119.176

Lord Jesus, let me return to you today, my Good Shepherd.  I repent and confess my need for you.  Word Hunger comes from you, and only you can give me faith to see the great worth of this treasure.

“The law from your mouth
is more precious to me
than thousands of pieces
of silver and gold.”
Psalm 119.72

“I counsel you to buy from me
GOLD
refined in the fire,
so you can become rich.”--Jesus Christ
Revelation 3.18

Helpful articles that I am reflecting on as I pray for more wisdom and intentionality in 2017 on my phone use:
Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Smartphone Usage
Facebook Obsession and the Anguish of Boredom
Smartphone Addiction and our Spiritual ADD

He Restores My Soul

Sound of fountain flowing
Trees blowing
Country crickets chirping
Vast blue sky a cathedral ceiling
Quiet trees planted, rooted, unmoving--
my prayer for faith

Fields of corn far-reaching
No Filipino karoke or roosters blaring
No internet signal distracting
Green grass, a carpet cot for a nap
Shade and silence for solitude
with my Savior

Leaves fluttering
Branches rustling
Soothing sound to my 
tired ears of
kids screaming
boys shouting.

Energetic kids eager
for attention and affection
now not interrupting.
Responsibility for others
lifted from my shoulders,
my back tired from carrying, cleaning, 
conflict, correcting, child-rearing.

Thank you, Lord, for a retreat.
Respite
Rest
Refresh me
Restore my soul.

Psalm 23: "The Lord...makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul."

[Location: Saint Benedict Retreat Center near Schuyler, NE]

Grieving Loss; Knowing Hope

Since I suddenly left the Philippines in May 2014, I have had a long journey of healing and grieving. 

Many times I have been heard saying, “I lost everything!  It felt like my life burned up in a fire!”

In a short time, without even knowing I would not be returning, I lost
--my home of 10 years
--all of my worldly possessions, except what would fit into a few suitcases
--my community and daily friendships
--a people and culture that I had come to love
--a ministry that I found fulfilling and meaningful

I didn't even get to say good-bye! [This photo was taken in my absence so my dear ladies could say good-bye to me]. 

I lost even deeper things than that, some so deep I cannot even write them today. 

[As an aside, I find it interesting and relieving that through the years I always had a sense that someday I may have to leave the country suddenly, so little by little I had hand-carried my volumes of journals and photo albums back to storage at my parents’ house.  I am so glad I did that!!].

A few weeks ago in my gospel community from church, one of my sweet sisters in the Lord prayed for me, “Lord, thank you that Jessica did not lose her faith through it all, but that her faith continues to be strengthened.”

Of course!  Why didn’t I think of that!?  It was almost prophetic, that prayer she prayed.  It shot through my grief like an arrow of truth.

Providentially, during May 2014 I had been memorizing 1 Peter chapter 1, including these precious words, which God knew I would cling to in days to come:

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”  1 Peter 1.6-7

How can I keep telling people, “I lost everything!”, as if to gain their sympathy in my grief, when God has told me, “I kept for you the most valuable thing: your faith”?!

My faith, God reminds me, is of greater worth than gold!  Do I really believe this?!  What if I had lost all that I did, plus my faith?  I think I would not have survived. 

As I still process grief of various degrees, God continues to pierce my cloud with sunbeams of Scripture light.  Oh, His Word is so precious to me!

Just this morning I was memorizing and studying Hebrews 10.34, and there it was again!

“You ...joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.” 

How am I going to find joy in grief and loss? 

Answer:  Knowing that I have something better and lasting!

A beloved preacher said: “When you know that you have a better and a lasting persuasion, you are not paralyzed by loss.  If that better possession is great enough, you will even be able to rejoice in loss.”

Some people have experienced even greater loss than I have.  I acknowledge that pain, and I would like not to compare my pain (greater or lesser) to any other person. 

However, I would like to invite any person who has suffered any loss, small or great, to join me in the journey for joy by hoping in the one thing that is better and more lasting than any earthly pleasure:

“You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
Psalm 16.11

Filling me with joy=BETTER than what I lost
Eternal pleasures=LASTING longer than what I lost

And what is this “better and lasting possession”?

Life, salvation, yes!  “You have made known to me the path of life.”  [See my last post "A Path to Walk On"].
But read Psalm 16.11 again with me:

“you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

It is not only a what, but a WHO: “In your presence...at your right hand.”
[I must credit this powerful sermon, "The Present Power of a Future Possession" with this insight!  I recommend you listen!].

He is the Lord.  He is Jesus.  The joy is in being with Jesus; the hope is in being called by His Name.  If I lose everything on earth, even my own life, and my faith is kept, I gain Christ. 

Jesus is worth living for.  He is worth more than losing everything on earth.  Jesus is worth even dying for. 

I remind myself of this truth today, because I know tomorrow I may wake up and feel clouds of grief threatening to rain on my joy. 

I am preaching this to myself, and memorizing it, singing it, praying it, whatever it takes to sink this truth into my bones:

“Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”
Psalm 73.23-26

Will you join me in praying for more hope in what is better and lasting? 

A Path To Walk On

July 10, 2005

I was struck suddenly by sadness when I turned right onto the tree-lined lane toward the lake.  The memory of my wedding day flooded back fresh, yet so distant a day.  It was the same path where my new husband and I posed for our wedding photos, me a beautiful bride, and he leaning me back for a kiss.

That moment was precious, and the hope of a new bride fresh.  I was ready for the path!  That was the day we had waited for.  That is the path I chose, and he was the man I wanted to walk with on the journey of life.

Oh Path!  You are not what I imagined!

Oh Path!  How could you still be there, and I am still here?  Yet, you are not what I thought, and I am not who I was.

That young hopeful bride flew far away from that sacred spot.  Off for foreign adventures, around the world away from home roots.  The journey filled years of unexpected turns and detours.

Here I am, back where I started, but not the same.

Still I am hopeful, yet my gaze has been fixed to One unseen.  Though the Path was not what I imagined it would be, I have learned to journey with One greater than I could ever imagine!

He is the unchanging, faithful friend, who not only shares this Path with me but is Himself called the Way.

He is Jesus:  "I am the Way..." (John 14.6).

Oh Jesus!  You are the Path, and you are with me on this Path.  You lead me and guide me, you never leave me alone!

"Show me your ways, O Lord,
Teach me your paths...
My hope is in you all day long."
Psalm 25.4-5

"I will guide you in the way of wisdom
And lead you along straight paths."
Proverbs 4.11

There are no guarantees I can give to a new bride, but this: let your deepest hope be in Jesus, because He is the Faithful Prince of Peace, and He really is riding on a white horse!

"I saw heaven open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True....on his head are many crowns...He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God."
Revelation 19.11-13

It is worth putting our hope in this Prince.

It is worth following Him on this Path.

"For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
Matthew 7.13-14

Which Path are you walking on?

Cleanse My Conscience

Photo cred: quotesgram.com

“Oh, how am I going to forgive myself?”  I wrote in my journal just last week. 

“Lord, I’m feeling guilty, and I need you.  I can barely write my failure because I feel so bad.” 

Have you ever said unloving words that you regret?  Then the guilt you feel after saying them, and you can’t erase them? 

What is worse, I said the words to my most sensitive child, and I fear that the effect will be deep damage!

A sermon I heard the very next day (the timing of the Spirit!) was recorded in 1997, but totally fitting for me!  He said, 
“Modern science and ‘progress’ cannot make the slightest advance in solving the real human problem--a dirty conscience.”

I have been working on memorizing Hebrews 9 for two weeks, and it is quite a passage!  The richness of the old covenant, the sacrificial system and the tabernacle was all set up to ultimately prepare us for and point us to Christ. 

Of the old covenant it says:
“the gifts and sacrifices being offered were not able to clear the conscience of the worshiper.”  Hebrews 9.9

As my guilty conscience weighed me down more, I continued to confess to my journal:

“I can hardly bear to think of it now!...I try to pursue him in love, but my love gets so challenged so quickly!...Oh, knives to my heart!  My guilt is too great.  Please, please please forgive me Lord!  How can I ever undo this?”

Interesting, how I can only memorize a few verses at a time!  Because it causes me to slow down and really think on it:  “not able to clear the conscience of the worshiper....” until verse 11 (ESV!):

“BUT [contrast!] when Christ appeared as high priest...”

There He is!  Someone who can clear my guilty conscience!  This is what I need to hear!  I need a high priest, a mediator.  Someone who can free me from that burden and wash my crimson stains. “Out damn spot!” in the famous words of Lady Macbeth.

How ironic to think that the stain on Lady Macbeth’s hands were blood, and yet it is also bloody hands that can wash out such guilt.

“What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus!”

“How much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works...” Hebrews 9.14

Photo cred: ubdavid.org

The blood of Christ can purify my guilty conscience!  Nothing that I can do, no dead works--my own righteousness to try to repair or make it up to God, will ever purify my conscience.  Only through faith in the one spotless Lamb, “without blemish” can I draw near to God.

If you are like me, and find yourself feeling guilty after sinning, you may find yourself trying to run and hide from God.  You may try to carry the guilt yourself or try to make it up somehow by doing better. 

But, let us make a new habit of running TO God with our guilt.  Let us look to Christ, who offered himself in our place for our sin, and trust in His finished work on the cross to bring us near to God and to purify our conscience.

If you are someone who does not feel a guilty conscience, it is possible that you are suppressing that through keeping busy, using substances, or ignoring guilt another way.  In that case, I urge you also to be set free today by calling on the Name of Jesus and trusting Him to pay the penalty for you.

If you don’t feel guilty, it is possible that you are a righteous person, doing good works and feeling good about yourself.  If you are not looking to Christ but looking to yourself for a clean conscience, you are also in need of freedom from “dead works”.  I urge you, friend, to release your trust in your own righteous works to save you and rely instead on the work that Christ has already done to save you. 

I want to make this song my regular prayer:

I lay my sins on Jesus, the spotless Lamb of God;
He bears them all, and frees us from the accursed load;
I bring my guilt to Jesus, to wash my crimson stains
White in His blood most precious, till not a stain remains.

[Listen to this version that I like, by Matt Foreman]
(Orignial hymn by Horatius Bonar in 1843: full lyrics here)

P.S. I did reconcile with my son and I know Christ is at work to purify and redeem us both!  Pray for us when the Spirit brings us to mind.

The Curtain and Shadows

I’ve been chipping away at the difficulty of memorizing Hebrews 7 for the last three weeks.  Today, as I cracked into chapter 8 I was amazed at how the Holy Spirit lined it up with Good Friday & Easter this week!

I felt like I was watching a display of fireworks that gets bigger near the finale as the Holy Spirit led me to discover powerful truths in the paths of Hebrews.  If you haven’t read or studied [or memorized!] this book, I hold it out to you as a rich store of treasures to uncover!  Join me!

I only have time to share with you a tiny peek at one or two jewels.  To help you appreciate the beauty of the jewels, I wish I could tell you all that I have learned so far about the importance of Jesus as our Great High Priest! 

The writer is trying to get us to see that all the Old Testament laws and regulations for worship are just copies and shadows of the Reality that is found in Jesus!

The animal sacrifices...point to the necessity of the shedding of blood for forgiveness of sins (Hebrews 9.22).
The tabernacle....points to the true sanctuary: heaven itself (Hebrews 9.24)
The old covenant written on stone....prepares the way for the new covenant written on our hearts (Hebrews 8.6-12)
The priests who offered the sacrifices for sin....point to the Great High Priest, Jesus, who offered himself for sin (Hebrews 10.11-12)
The need for the blood of an unblemished lamb...points to the blood of the perfect Christ, shed (on Good Friday!) on the cross (Hebrews 9.13-14).

What is the point of all this?  The aim is to draw near to God...for worship and fellowship.  We can’t draw near unless we are perfect, and we are not perfect because of sin. 

Easter is about hope! 

“The law made nothing perfect.  And a better hope is introduced, by which we draw near to God.”  Hebrews 7.19

Because of Good Friday and Easter, we have hope, by which we can draw near to God in worship!

This is where the firework display of Jesus’ got bigger and brighter for me!

Because I noticed this: 

“He sacrificed for their sins
once for all (remember the words from the cross: “It is finished”!)
when he offered himself.”
Hebrews 7.27

There it is!  The Priest IS the sacrifice!  Before, the priests had to bring a sacrifice for their own sins and for the sins of the people (Hebrews 7.27).  This Priest, Jesus, perfect, holy and unblemished (7.26), went into the Most Holy Place with a blood sacrifice...his own blood (9.12)!  His sacrifice was himself on the cross of Calvary!   This is “Good” Friday= “Good News”!.

“He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves;
but he entered the Most Holy Place
once for all [Easter...the resurrection...it is finished!]
by his own blood,
having obtained eternal redemption.”
Hebrews 9.12

As I meditated on this, I noticed the word “entered”.  Try to track with me, this is really really cool!

What did he enter?  The Most Holy Place [a.k.a. Heaven itself--the Real and True Most Holy Place].
With what did he enter?  Blood...his own blood [Good Friday, think cross].
Through what did he enter?  THE CURTAIN

“Behind the second curtain was a room called the Most Holy Place.”
Hebrews 9.3

Have you ever thought about the curtain before??  This curtain was all about separating the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place, representing God’s throne room, God’s presence (Exodus 26.31-34).  That means we ourselves cannot get into God’s presence unless we pass through the curtain.  And in the OT, only the High priest could do that, and only once a year, and only with an unblemished sacrifice (Hebrews 9.7-8).

Watch this display of light:

“Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place
by the blood of Jesus,
by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain,
that is his body....”
Hebrews 10:20

BOOM!  Fireworks!  Amazing!!  Check this out:

“With a loud cry, [from the cross], Jesus breathed his last. 
The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.”
Mark 15.37-38

Jesus IS the curtain!  The curtain is his body!  He entered so we could enter!  When he died on the cross, the temple curtain was actually torn and ripped in an unusual way, to show that the way into God’s presence is now open through Jesus!  It also shows that the shadow of former worship is past, and the reality of true worship is here!

Now, get ready for the grand finale, because this is not all!  But first let me summarize what we have so far:

Jesus is the High Priest, who goes into the Most Holy Place.
Jesus is the sacrifice, who offers himself unblemished, his own blood.
Jesus is the curtain, which opens the way to draw near to God, his body.

See this:
Body=Curtain
Blood=Sacrifice

Are you ready for the Grand Finale?!.......

Body+Blood=COMMUNION

Curtain+ Sacrifice=Draw near to God

OH!  AMAZING LOVE!  How Can it be!?  That Thou my God shouldst die for me!

my NIV study Bible (Zondervan)

When you see the words “body” and “blood” in Hebrews 10.20, do you hear Jesus on the night he was betrayed?  As I write, it is Maundy Thursday, the very night of the Last Supper....the Last Passover!  As in, Jesus fulfills the Passover, and that is why it was the last!

“Then came the day of Unleavened Bread on which the Passover lamb had to be sacrificed.”  Luke 22.7  (and Jesus is that lamb!).

“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.’
In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.”  Luke 22.19-20

Bread+Cup=Communion
Jesus the High Priest+Jesus’ body (curtain)+Jesus’ blood (sacrifice)=draw near to God

The connections are a glorious display of the beauty of Jesus!  What a reason to celebrate!  What a reason to rejoice and, even more, to be confident that we, too can enter into God’s presence through faith in Jesus. 
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.  It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf.”  Hebrews 6.19-20

He entered the curtain to the Most Holy Place so we could enter heaven itself to be in God’s presence forever (9.24)!  Hallelujah!

Without Jesus, without Good Friday and Easter, we could never be made perfect (Hebrews 7.11, 18-19).  And if we are not perfect, then we cannot draw near to God in worship (Psalm 15).  But we all sin, so we cannot ever cleanse our own consciences from acts that lead to death, which is what we all deserve for our sin (Hebrews 9.14, cf. Romans 3.23 & 6.23). 

BUT!

“A better hope is introduced, by which we draw near to God!” Hebrews 7.19

When we take communion, it actually is FOR communion---fellowship with God, drawing near to God. And it is all because of the body of Jesus (the curtain), and the blood of Jesus (the sacrifice).  Think about this next time you dip the bread in the wine at communion!

So, “let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience...” Hebrews 10.22

Have you put your faith in Jesus today?  Have you trusted in Him as the only way (Hebrews 9.8) to draw near to God?  If no, then I invite you to receive Jesus by faith today!  If yes, then, brothers and sisters, we have confidence to enter the throne of grace today where we find mercy and grace to help us in our time of need! (Hebrews 4.16).

Join me in worshiping our Great High Priest, Jesus, as I sing this song that I wrote, given to me by the ministry of the Holy Spirit, with the words from Hebrews 4.14-16.

Great High Priest

“Jesus came into the world as the Son and the final High Priest, not to be the best and last ‘shadow’ as a priest.
He came to fulfill and end the shadows because He is the Reality.”
(Dec. ’96 Piper)

If You Want Me To

(Google images)

“I have become like broken pottery.”  The words on the page of Psalm 31 in my Bible stood out as if I had written them myself.  Oh, how often the Psalmists express the very things I am feeling!  In his case, he was in distress, anguish and affliction.  He was weak, and even his close relationships were broken.

Yes, the Psalmist and I have a lot in common. 

My counselor once told me: “Let them see your cracks, so the glory of God can shine through.” 

It comes from 2 Corinthians 4.7: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”

It is hard to let people see my cracks, my brokenness.  It is humbling. 

But it is also hard for me not to wish away the cracks.  Deep down, I sometimes wonder, “Why did you allow this circumstance in my life, Lord?  It doesn’t makes sense to me.”  I would have never chosen this.

But I can’t change people, and I can’t change my circumstance.  So what am I going to do?

Sometimes I just cry, and Jesus is with me in my tears. 

But other times I really fight the temptation to compare myself to others. 

Today I saw myself in Peter when he asked: “Lord, what about him?” John 21:21.  How tempting it is to look at someone else’s life and think, “Lord, what about her?  Why didn’t she have to suffer?  Why doesn’t she face many trials?  Why does her life seem so put-together?  Why does everything work out for her?”

That is me being broken pottery, wishing I were porcelain. 

But Jesus rebukes Peter for comparing his calling to crucifixion with John’s seemingly privileged position.

(google images)

Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?  You must follow me.”  John 21.22

These words struck my heart with power and truth.  I have done the same thing as Peter in my heart.

I look at my suffering and trials, and and then compare my assignment to another person’s, instead of simply following Jesus.

It comes down to this:  what do I want for my life?  What does Jesus want for my life?  And will God give me the grace to want what He wants? 

Suddenly I remembered one of my favorite songs, by Ginny Owens:

“The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

‘Cause I’m not who I was when I took my first step

(google images)

And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone...”

(Watch and listen on YouTube here)

There it is: “If you want me to.”  This reminds me so much of Jesus’ own prayer in the garden before he was crucified:

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will.”  Matthew 26.39

Jesus asked for what he wanted, but prayed for what the Father wanted.  Oh, God, please give me the grace to pray like this too! 

My first year of college I had this verse written on the wall of my dorm room: 

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death...” Philippians 3.10

I remember thinking, “Do I really want to know the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings??”

I love how Ginny Owens put it in her song: “So if all of these trials bring me closer to You, then I will go through the fire if you want me to.”

Okay, so every day I am not comparing myself to others; just sometimes the temptation pulls at me.  But as I think of the last few years, I can also  remember the precious fellowship I have had in prayer, song and tears with Christ.  I have seen glimpses of His beauty.  And it always draws me closer, to want to follow Him more, to love him more. 

There must be some reason, unknown to me, that God has chosen this story for me. But it is my story, for His glory, and not another’s.

In The Horse and His Boy, by C.S. Lewis, Aslan tells Shasta: ‘Child, I am telling you your own story, not hers.  No one is told any story but their own.’”

This is just what I needed to hear today.  Just like the words Peter heard, in “the kind of death by which [he] would glorify God” John 21.19.

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What will I do when I am faced with trials that I don’t want but I can’t change?  Will I look to someone else’s story?  Will I count their cracks and have self-pity for my own?  Or will I fix my eyes on Jesus, and long for His glory to shine through in my weakness? 

Lord, give me more grace to fix my eyes on You each day (Hebrews 12.2), to want what you want even when you give me assignments I don’t want.  When I get tempted in the “snare of compare”, I invite you to rebuke me and remind me to follow you (John 21.22).  Forgive me for looking to those around me rather than to you, for comparing myself to others and for my stubborn will that fights your will.  I pray for more grace to enjoy sweet fellowship with you, Jesus, as I share in your sufferings (Phil. 3.10), that I will truly desire more than anything else to be closer to You (Psalm 73.25).  Thank you that no matter what trial I go through, you promise to be with me (Isaiah 41.10), to never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13.5)  And in my weakness and sufferings, give me the grace to rejoice and let your glory be revealed in me (1 Peter 4.13), through me and to me, in Jesus name, Amen.

[Note: I highly recommend you set aside 47 minutes while you are working or driving (not laying down...too sleepy!) to listen to this message, by Carolyn Mahaney, called "The Snare of Compare", given at a women's conference for The Gospel Coalition in 2012.  Though she is not fancy, famous, or funny, she is full of wisdom and truth].